She's Not Here
by jb-ar-love
Summary: An Elder Thomas story with a Next to Normal twist. Possible suicidal themes. Some Churchtarts. Multichapter.


"Bye, hun!" Chris said to his boyfriend through the open car window.

"Bye!" James gave him a small, farewell peck on the cheek "Drive safely!"

"I always do" with a small smile and a wave, Chris started his 15 minute ride home. Okay, so he was a little late, his curfew was 10:00 and it was about 12:30, but he didn't think his parents would be too mad, they knew where he had been. As he was starting to zone off into, as James liked to call it, never-never land, a bright sign caught his attention.

DAN'S DONUTS OPEN 24 HOURS

Chris smiled widely and pulled over, overwhelmed with sudden inspiration. Quickly parking, he rushed into the store.

"Hello! I'll take half dozen please" He said to the young man behind the counter. The man quickly and efficiently unfolded a box.

"What's the occasion, half past midnight?"

"A birthday" he responded with a smile "My sister's turning 9. Could I have four chocolate sprinkle and two strawberry frosted ones?"

"Of course," he replied, turning around to put them in the bag "Why not three of each?" he pondered with a laugh.

"Oh," the smile faded off of Chris's face. "My sister doesn't eat much" Ever since Emma started her cancer treatment her appetite had dwindled. Chris would be ecstatic if she finished even one of the strawberry donuts.

"Ah, I get you there" the man responded "Eyes are bigger than the stomach. Here you go" He lightly plopped the box on the counter.

Chris quickly paid for his order and was on his way. "Thank you!" he called over his shoulder.

"Anytime!"

Chris quietly closed the front door, slipping off his shoes. The house was entirely unlit. He had to navigate it through memory. It appeared everyone was asleep. Chris smiled in realization that he didn't have to deal with his parents until the next morning, plenty of time to think of a halfway decent excuse.

The smile fell though, for he couldn't enjoy his midnight snack with his sister until midmorning.

_What was I thinking? If she were up at this hour, she'd be sick._

The frown deepened. With a sigh, he tiptoed down the hallway, taking a stop to peek into his parent's open doorway. By the moonlight, he saw them lying in bed together. Their togetherness put a smile on their son's face. On the bad nights one of them would be up with Emma, and the other would be trying a pitiful attempt at sleep. He turned his head and continued the trek to his bedroom.

_Tonight is a good night though, _Chris thought contentedly, opening his door. _Emma is sleeping soundly and the rents are happy._

"Chris!" A loud whisper called his name.

He flicked on his light to reveal his little sister sitting on his bed, hands in her lap. She smiled up at him when he entered the room. Her thin brown shoulder length hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail.

"What are you doing up?" He dropped the box of donuts and bent to her level, placing a hand on her forehead "Are you feeling alright?"

Emma laughed and gently pulled his hands away. "Chris, stop worrying! I feel fine. I heard your car pull up, is all. I wanted to surprise you!"

"Oh!" he laughed with her and stood up to close the door behind him, with a click "I'm sorry I woke you though Emma"

"Chris, you know me, I was still up reading and stuff" her eyes dropped to the floor and she smiled "Are those donuts I see?"

He grinned and got on one knee and opened the box, as if he were proposing. "Happy Birthday, Emma!"

She tilted her head back and laughed, lightly clapping her hands. "Well, thank you! This is the best present I could have asked for."

"Well," he replied, still on one knee "I could never forget you strawberry-" He was interrupted by a knock on his door.

"Chris?" came his mother's timid voice. "Who're you talking to? If it's James, you just saw him." One could hear the eye roll in her voice "Tell him that you need sleep"

Emma bit her lip to suppress a giggle. Chris put a finger to his mouth, though he tried not to laugh himself

"No, Mom" he called back "We're just going to bed, sorry!"

"We?" she asked from behind the door "Chris, who's in there with you? Let me in right now!"

With a groan, Chris turned his back to Emma and opened the door. His mother pushed past him, running into his room. Her blue robe trailed behind her. She turned to him, wide eyed and paranoid.

"Who's here Chris?" she shrieked

"Mom!" he grabbed her shoulders, steadying her "Calm down. Jesus Christ, did you not take your pills today?!"

Her older hands trembled and she gripped his sleeve.

"Christopher…" she begged in a whisper. Her bottom lip quivered. "Please, who is here?" The crazed look in her eye frightened him.

"Mother…" he said in the softest voice he could conjure "It's just Emma and. You don't need to get worked up-"

"What the hell is going on in here?"

They both turned towards the door, where Mr. Thomas stood. His face was an intense shade of red and his fists were clenched. His mother broke off her grip and ran towards his father, hiding behind his shoulder.

"God dammit! What is wrong with you guys?" He was furious, clenching his fists just as his father was. "Don't start looking at me like _I _am the crazy one. Dad! She probably forgot to take her anxiety meds again." They continued to stare at him "Fuck! You guys have been like this ever since…"

_Since… Since what?_

He groaned and shook his head. Everything was becoming fuzzy.

_Since… Since… Emma!_

"Emma!" his head snapped towards where she was sitting. There was only an empty bed. "Emma?" he let out a nervous, shaken laugh. "Where did you go, Emma?"

"She's not here" one of his parents said. At this point, he couldn't tell which. Everything was monotone

"Of course she's here" his voice picked up pace "She was right here…" His head was pounding.

_Not Here. Here. Gone. Here._

"No…"

"Chris, she-" Everything else got muffled. Or, rather, he wanted it to bed muffled.

_Alive. Alive. Here. Alive._

_Dead._

"She was… right… there…" he looked up at his parents. Their exhausted faces scared him.

"Christopher!" his father's booming voice was clear. "Now stop it! You know that she's dead."

_Dead._

He blacked out.


End file.
